Thursday, October 20, 2011

ACOUSTIC BRIGANDS

How did we get to this place where we are held hostage by packs of morons who believe they are really cool because they can drive around on a two wheel bi-cycle with a 300 hp engine that has no, I mean zero, muffler suppression, so they can intimidate and encroach on peaceful citizens with their ear splitting, gut wrenching, pain threshold noises that can be heard hundreds of feet around their perimeter as they move thru space. These are sometimes normal appearing people when they are not riding around thwapping their engines in all ways to make sure they are extruding the maximum decibels for what purpose, I cannot comprehend.
There is probably no way for us to squelch this behavior as can you imagine the strong political lobby they all have in our capitals?

GLOBAL COOLING
We’ve all been so taken up with the burning question of the hour about global warming a few degrees we’ve forgotten that the real threat to us is the fact that the earth is moving towards another Ice Age. Which begs the next question of the hour, When will Earth become uninhabitable for the human species? First of all we must be able to survive the next Ice Age in about 10,000 years, which will last for several thousand years and will leave only a small band of non-glaciated area around the equator. Well, I always wanted to live in the Bahamas.
Speaking of which, I keep getting flyers on my FAX about Luxury Vacations to those places in the Carribean that are truly unbelievable deals. Look, at this one! 8 days, 7 nites in a San Juan , Puerto Rico condo vacation for only $149.98!!! Now that’s only $18.75 a day!! How can they do that? Who can not afford to do that in these trying times? But wait. There’s a small note in parenthesis that says (companion airfare). Does that mean anything? Anyway, Call now as offer expires in a day. But don’t worry, you’ll get another offer next week as my FAX paper is free to them.
I suppose those damn cockroaches will outlive humans by a couple of Ice Ages.


BOOK REPORT
Here’s another intelligent person I know nothing about. Jeeze, where have I been? I came across Noam Chomskys’ “The Prosperous Few & the Restless Many” and have noted down a few of his peregrinations.
Three quarters of the American population literally believe in religious miracles. The numbers who believe in the devil, in resurrection, in God doing this & that - is astonishing. These numbers aren’t duplicated anywhere else in the industrial world. You’d have to go to mosques in Iran or do a poll among old ladies in Sicily to get numbers like this. Yet this is the American population.
But wait, there’s more! Just a few years ago there was a study about our thoughts on evolution. Only 9% believed in Darwinian evolution (not that much above a statistical error). About half the population believed in divinely-guided evolution, Catholic church doctrine. About 40% thought the world was created a few thousand years ago.
Again, you’d have to go back to pre-industrial peasant societies, before you get numbers like that.
I also got a few nuggets from reading Walter Cronkite’s bio, although I have never seen him on TV. These are pretty relevant during our current year long campaign trail.
Those who get their news from TV probably are not getting enough information to intelligently exercise their voting franchise in a democratic system. Can a potential voter take a campaign seriously after he has been escorted by television backstage to be shown how the managers transform their candidates into actors?
Sound- bite journalism simply isn’t good enough to serve the people in our national elections. Back in ‘92 the average bloc of uninterrupted speech by a presidential candidate was 8.2 seconds. No meaningful explanation of issues is possible in that short outburst. Since nothing of any significance is going to be said in seven seconds, this does work to the advantage of many politicians. They are not required to say anything of any significance, and issues can be avoided rather than confrontational.
Me? I get my news from The Daily Show & Colbert Report. Every once in a great while I pull up a news station to verify it’s stupidity before returning to Jon Stewart.
Don’t forget, I’m from the era where we got our news once a week in the movie theater where the Pathe News showed nothing but actual news footage (black & white) with a narrator telling us about it. “Here comes the Hindenberg.....”.

TALIBAN RULES
Rules of work for Hospitals & clinics that are based on Islamic Sharia principles. These are so ludicrous that it could make you laugh if you didn’t know that Taliban Fundamentalists believe it’s all very serious.
1. Female patients should go to female physicians. In case a male physician is needed, the female patient should be accompanied by her close relative.
2. During examination, the female patients and male physicians both should both should be dressed with Islamic hijab (veil).
3. Male physicians should not touch or see the other parts of female patients except for the affected part. (No hanky panky here!)
4. Waiting room for female patients should be safely covered. (Safely?)
5. During night duty, in rooms of female patients, the male doctor is not allowed to enter the room unless the patient calls him.
6. Sitting & speaking between male & female doctors are not allowed, if there is need for discussion, it should be done in hijab. (Quick, get me a hijab, this girl is dying!)
7. Female doctors should wear simple clothes, no use of cosmetics or make-up.
(Of course, the male doctor has to wear a black turban & full beard)
8. Female doctors & nurses are not allowed to enter rooms where male patients are.
9. Hospital staff should pray in mosques on time. (Five times a day? Here, hold this scalpel, I’ll be back in a few)
10. The Religious Police are allowed to go for control at any time and no one can prevent them.
11. Anyone who violates this order will be punished as per Islamic regulations.
(Like being stoned to death?)