Monday, July 24, 2006


Now maybe you might think me some kind of professional grump or curmudgeon but as I go through life I am absolutely incensed by certain behaviors and objects that seem utterly useless to me. Let me give you a few examples.
Probably first on my list are one-sided towels. Now look, if your going to expend all that effort to make a towel, why not make both sides with a nice thick nap? But no, they have to make one side absolutely useless by making it almost smooth and non-absorbent. I won't go into who's responsible for these design abominations at this time as I must go on with my list.
How about people who immediately freeze as soon as they step on a moving walkway or escalator? Why do they do that? These machines were designed to assist us , not incapacitate us! To add insult to injury, how many people have to block the left side of the walkway all the while listening to a recording telling them to keep to the right so I can pass. But no, I've got to yell "track" to get their attention and then they act insulted because I want to move by them on the left
When was the last time you were in a bar where you could actually hear another person carry on a conversation as well as order a drink without being blasted out of your hearing because the stereo and/or TV was turned up to full bore? There was a time when conversation was kind of important, but now, it's pretty hard to discuss the nuances of existentialism in a loud holler.
While we're still in the bar let's talk about the universal problem of setting your drink on a napkin. I really hate this! Now you think this might be a small item but you can't get away from it. Whatever happened to the fine sound of the glass being set down on the mahogany bar top? But no, you've got to keep your napkin under your glass. Just try to sneak the napkin out from under the glass, the bloody bartender puts another right under your glass! Come on, let's get normal again!
How about those idiots that have those big white letters on their tires? They really think they are cool while it's pretty obvious they are imbeciles. But then, it’s no worse than the big black "Bra" some wear on the front of their cars as if they are driving a Lamborghini on a gravel road instead of running over to the local Safeway.
Check out the taxicabs, buses and streetcars in Europe to see how much advertising is hung all over the exterior of them. Virtually none! Some tasty stuff inside works fine, but no! We have to plaster all our modes of transportation with all kinds of crap on the sides, back, front ,tops (of cabs) and all this in the name of financial viability. Let's face it, you're going to lose money on these systems no matter what, so why make it ugly? Europeans go one step further, they will make the entire tram (several cars long) into a well designed graphic of one advertiser.
And you wouldn't believe how many people (designers included) seem to think you need a window in front of the kitchen sink. Come on! The best kitchen I ever had was buried in a dark stone walled house. If it has enough character you don't "need" the window at the sink.
Then there’s always the person that still has to tell you to "have a nice day". Jeez, leave me alone. I'm doing the best I can and no idiotic phrase from a stranger is going to change that.
Then there's always a clod who wears his hat while dining in a restaurant. I can understand if it's a cowboy hat (They don't know any better), but baseball caps? No shirt, shoes no service. Hat on, no service!
Next we'll have to get into Lite beers and saccharin.
Have an awful day!
Lamont Langworthy, Curmudgeon First Class